How I Overcame Anxiety and How You Can Too
I lived with undiagnosed anxiety for most of my life. I didn’t realize until my mid-twenties that I didn’t have to suffer and struggle so much. In recognition of Mental Illness Awareness Week (MIAW) and World Mental Health Day, I’m sharing my mental health story in the hopes that it might help you seek the care you need and finally overcome anxiety. There is no shame in seeking treatment for mental health. You are not alone and you don’t have to fight alone.
What is Anxiety?
Anxiety is a fear of the unknown, and we all experience it at certain points in our lives. The symptoms of anxiety include intense worry, nervousness and dread. It’s a biological response to a threat, that causes a fight or flight chemical response. This response dates back to prehistoric times. When a caveman encountered danger, like a wild animal, the body snapped into survival mode. In an instant the caveman must decide if he will run for his life or stay and fight. Your heart races, you start to sweat and your mind becomes singularly focused on the threat in front of you.
Today, we rarely experience danger in the form of man-eating animals, but rather in uncertainty or threats to life as we know it. You might worry about an aging parent, starting a new job, or sending your first-born off to college. These sources of anxiety are situational and everyone experiences them from time to time.
For some people, like me, the anxiety never goes away. Generalized anxiety disorder is biological rather than situational. Your fight or flight response is overactive and perceives threats everywhere. Have you ever been so happy, you worry something bad is on the way? If there isn’t a legitimate threat, your brain creates one – it finds something to worry about. For me anything uncertain is a struggle. I like to have a plan – so much so, that my friends and family poke fun at my “Type-A” nature. But having a plan gives me some sense of certainty, it makes me feel safe. If this sounds familiar, you are not alone, and you can learn to overcome anxiety.
It’s All in Your Head
Have anyone ever told you your anxiety is “all in your head?” No shit, Sherlock! That phrase is about as helpful as saying “calm down!” to someone in the midst of a panic attack. We would if we could! But when you’re in the midst of anxiety or panic, the stressor feels incredibly real. In order to overcome anxiety the first step is to recognize it how it manifests for you.
Looking back now, I realize I had signs of anxiety at a young age. My most vivid memories of anxiety are in middle school, when I starting having terrible stomach aches and sleepless nights. At that time, I worried constantly about doing the right thing and being a good kid. I wanted everyone to like me. Not sure how to make the pain go away, I can remember crying to my parents about how bad my stomach hurt. We went to multiple doctors, had tests and scans, and no one could find anything wrong with me. Not realizing the source of the pain was in my head.
My anxiety became the worst it had ever been when I graduated college. As the stress became more difficult for me to handle, my anxiety started manifesting as anger, and on my worst days, depression. I held it in all day, only to come home and explode on my husband, Chris. In an attempt to hide it from him, I started crying in my car or retreating to our bedroom, but he always knew me better than I knew myself. My biggest fear was that he would hit his breaking point and leave me, and this caused even more anxiety. I felt shame for taking it out on him.
When your anxiety starts impacting your everyday life or your relationships, it may be time to seek help from a mental health professional. I knew something needed to change, so I made an appointment to visit a counselor through my company’s employee assistance program (EAP). My company offered a series of free sessions that I could do right at work. Many companies have this offering, so it’s a great place to start if you don’t currently have a therapist. The counselor taught me some stress relief strategies to manage my stress and then referred me to an outside therapist to continue my progress.
When Stress Becomes Too Much
I’ve continued in therapy long term, because it helps me keep my anxiety under control. But there came a point when therapy wasn’t enough.
When I got a promotion at work, my anxiety became unmanageable. I had been working towards this position for a long time, and I was excited and motivated. But I felt unworthy and worked hard to prove myself. I was certain that someone would eventually realize I didn’t know what I was doing, and they would fire me. It was a case of major imposter syndrome, worse than I’d ever felt before. I felt like I was pretending all day long, and when I came home at the end of the day, I was exhausted and defeated. I loved the job, and I wanted to succeed. But in my mind, I wasn’t good enough.
One day, I came home from work so defeated and overwhelmed that I snuck into the bedroom, not wanting to burden my husband , and collapsed into a ball of snot and tears in bed. Of course, I could not fool my high school sweetheart, he knew right away something was awry. During this time in my life, tears were normal, but not to this level. He sat with me and tried to coax me out of bed, but I was inconsolable.
To make matters worse, I hated myself for “burdening” him with my problems, which upset me even more. I couldn’t stop crying, and he refused to leave me alone. Eventually, he was able to calm me down enough to get out of bed and into a nice warm bath. Even Zoe, our dog, knew something was going on – dogs always know. She absolutely hates the water, but she knew I needed her, so she jumped right in the bathtub with me! Sometimes laughter really is the best medicine.
There is no Shame is Asking for Help
When something feels off, it’s important to talk to a mental health professional. I went to see my therapist and told her the story in detail. She referred me to a psychiatrist at the practice, who could prescribe me something to “get me over the hump of this new job.” I didn’t know what to expect with anxiety medication, but I knew I didn’t want to feel this way anymore. Silent tears fell from my face as I nodded in agreement.
At my first psychiatrist appointment, she asked me about my symptoms and took notes. She smirked knowingly, as if to say my anxiety was “so textbook.” Although I felt a little judged, I also felt extremely validated. Her smile meant I wasn’t alone, and how I felt wasn’t as strange as it felt. Her lack of concern told me everything was going to be okay. I remember clear as day, when she put her pen down and looked at me and said, “It sounds like you have generalized anxiety disorder, and you probably have for a long time now.”
She was the first person to tell me I had an anxiety disorder. Tears flooded down my face in relief. After years of struggling, I finally had a name for what I was feeling.
Taking the Edge Off
She told me we were going to try a medication to help take the edge off. I was nervous, but desperate to overcome the anxiety.
It took a few different tries to find a medication that worked for me, but I started feeling a lot better. I felt like the fog had finally lifted from my line of sight. While I still had some anxiety and stress (we all do!), I felt like my threshold was higher and I could see problems and solutions more clearly. I returned to the doctor for a follow-up and told her excitedly, “I think I’m settling in at work. I know what I’m doing now and feeling much better!” She smirked, just like she had done in our first session, and said, “I also think the medication is working.” After that, things became a lot easier for me.
You Are Not Alone
There are tons of articles online about how to overcome anxiety naturally – from meditation to working out, oils and supplements. But I wanted to share my story to show you that there’s no shame in needing help or medication when the stress and anxiety becomes too much. You are not alone and you don’t have to fight this alone.
I cannot stress enough how important it is to make your mental health a priority and how transformational it’s been in my life. We all have shit to deal with, and the sooner you learn what yours is, the sooner level up your life.
If you’re suffering right now, I encourage you to seek out help from a mental health professional. Mental health is critical, and in 2020 we all need it more than ever. See below for a few resources and steps you can take today:
- Take a Mental Health Screener from MHA
- Check out MIAW Resources from NAMI
- Watch easy-to-understand videos on Mental Health
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