The Best Self-Help Books for Women in their 20s
The best self-help books inspire and motivate you, but also give you the steps to apply what you’ve learned. The worst self-help books are the ones that over simplify with quote-worthy language. “Just be positive! Don’t worry about what other people think! You are in control!” Okay, but how do I do that? I am a self-proclaimed personal development junkie. I love diving deep into self-help books that help me understand myself better and live my best life. The five books below are my absolute favorites because they have helped me shift my mindset and change my life for the better.
5 Life-Changing Self-Help Books for Millennial Women
You may notice a common theme in these books. As women, especially in our twenties, many of us struggle with the opinions and expectations of other people. We are plagued by negative self-talk and perfectionism. I say “we” because this is one of my biggest anxiety triggers, and I know I’m not alone in that. If you’re in the market for a new book and you’re ready to live life on your own terms, keep on scrollin’!
1. Untamed by Glennon Doyle
What’s it about?
In a beautiful metaphor, Glennon Doyle shares the story of a cheetah who has been tamed as a zoo animal attraction. She has forgotten who she was and become only what has been taught to her by her environment. As women, we have been tamed by society’s expectations to “do it all.” We want to be the perfect, wife, mom and employee while often losing ourselves in the process of becoming what others want from us. In Untamed, Glennon Doyle shares the story of how she quit abandoning herself and instead abandoned the world’s expectations of her. Most importantly, she shares practical tips to “quit being good so you can be free.”
Why I loved it
Untamed is more than just a self-help book. Glennon had me hanging on her every word. I listened to it on audible, and as a result found myself taking more walks around the block to get another chapter in. Her writing and metaphors are like poetry that spoke to my very soul. On more than one occasion, I had to stop in the middle of a walk to rewind the book and jot down quotes and ideas in my phone.
Best tactical advice
Glennon says, right and wrong, could and should and the expectations of other people are the cages that keep us tamed. Instead of looking outward for permission or advice, turn inward, “be still and know.” Glennon describes how she learned to sink deep into meditation, to a silent place where she could really hear her intuition. There, she says, you will experience “the knowing,” a nudge that feels warm and light when you lean into it.
This concept really resonated with me. I am constantly Googling, polling my friends and asking people what I should do – only to realize I disagree when I hear their response. Glennon encourages us to seek inner wisdom instead of outer approval. “Others don’t know the answers to our questions, because no one has lived this exact life with our exact gifts. “Stop asking for directions to places others have never been.”
Favorite quote
“We don’t need to be more pleasant, normal or convenient, we just need to be ourselves. We need to save ourselves because we need to save the world.” This was one of many “YASSSS!” moments for me throughout the book.
“We don’t need to be more pleasant, normal, or convenient, we just need to be ourselves. We need to save ourselves because we need to save the world.”
-@GlennonDoyle in Untamed
via @StrongCalmKels The 5 Best Self-Help Books for Women in their 20s
Click to Tweet2. Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis
What’s it about?
Rachel Hollis was one of the first authors that got me into self-help books. In Girl, Wash Your Face, she helps women unpack the limiting mindsets that destroy their self-confidence and keep them from moving forward. Rachel provides tips for living a better life by sharing the messiness of her own. She inspires women to live with passion and hustle and to awaken their dreams because that’s exactly what she’s done with her own life.
Why I loved it
Each chapter is based on a “lie” or a limiting belief that Rachel used to believe, i.e. “I’m not good enough” or “Something else will make me happy.” This book helped me understand my anxiety triggers for the first time and how toxic my self-talk can be. It helped me realize that we are not our thoughts, and I am in control of what I believe. Rachel’s writing is like talking to a friend combined with a preacher (like her Dad) dropping tough love on the congregation.
Best tactical advice
I’ll admit this book was not as tactical as some others of the others on this list. However, it was important to me on my personal development journey because it opened my eyes to the self-sabotaging thoughts I had, and helped me realize I wasn’t alone in them. In the chapter titled “I Should Be Further Along By Now,” Rachel suggests making a list of your accomplishments to help increase your confidence. This will be hard, she says, but stick with it. Dig deep and think back to all the things, big and small, that you’ve overcome. Goals you set and achieved. Difficult tasks you figured out. Tough situations you’ve survived. “When you force yourself to acknowledge what you’ve accomplished you’ll realize it’s wrong to be so hard on yourself.”
Once you have your list, write a letter to yourself from your tenacity. Rachel shares more on this concept in Girl, Stop Apologizing, “Write from the part of you that never gave up, from the exact opposite place of your fear…Write from your heart and your gut and the piece of you who always gets what she sets her mind to.” She says the problem isn’t that you haven’t done anything; the problem is that you don’t give yourself enough credit. Preachhhh, Rach!
Favorite quote
“Someone else’s opinion of you is none of your business.” This is a huge struggle for me because I am a people pleaser, and I want everyone to “like” me. I am constantly reminding myself of this truth along with the fact that I am not responsible for other people’s happiness. Similarly, Rachel reminds us to focus on what we can control — our own actions.
3. Everything is Figureoutable by Marie Forleo
What’s it about?
Whether you want to leave a dead end job, break an addiction, learn to dance, heal a relationship, or grow a business, Everything is Figureoutable is the best self-help book to show you how. Marie Forleo says, No matter what you’re facing, big or small, YOU have the power within you to figure it out and become who you were meant to be.
Why I loved it
In chapter 2, Marie provides a roadmap to the “EIF” way of living that she learned from her mother. She doesn’t just tell you what to do, she also tells you how — the key to the best self-help books. I love how tactical and simple it is. Also, each chapter contains an “Insight to action challenge,” a tangible exercise, usually in the form of a journal prompt for the reader. She also includes “figureoutable field notes,” which are testimonials of how EIF worked for otehrs. Marie’s words will motivate you so much you’ll wonder why you haven’t started already!
Best tactical advice
Marie’s self-help book offers a tangible step by step process for getting clear on your dream. I relate to Marie in that I’m passionate about a lot of things, and it can be hard to focus on just one goal. As a result, I often get distracted by another shiny new project and forget why I started the first one. So Marie offers the following steps to help you get clear on your #1 dream.
- Write down 10 dreams you have for the next year. Start by finishing this sentence “Wouldn’t it be cool if…”
- Make it real. For the few that stand out to you, ask how important it is, and how difficult it is and rate them 1-10 for both factors.
- Choose one goal. You’re not abandoning the others, just prioritizing. You can only truly focus on one thing at a time.
- Get specific – make it a S.M.A.R.T goal
- Lay out your next three steps and GO! Focus on what you can control.
Favorite quote
“You don’t have to have it all figured out to move forward.” Mannnnn, did this one hit home! To take this a step further, Marie says, “Action is the antidote to fear.” Just keep moving forward, girl!
4. Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis
What’s it about?
Women have been taught to define themselves by what we do for other people—whether as wife, mother, daughter, or employee—instead of learning how to own who who we are at our core. In her second self-help book, Girl, Stop Apologizing, Rachel challenges women everywhere to stop talking themselves out of their dreams. She shares the excuses to let go of, the behaviors to adopt, and the skills to acquire on the path to growth, confidence, and believing in yourself.
Why I loved it
I loved this self-help book because it took what I learned in Girl, Wash Your Face and built on it with tactical steps to changing our beliefs and getting after our goals. It’s divided into three sections — excuses, behaviors and skills. In the first section Rachel calls out your excuses (and hers!) and why they’re all bullshit. Yikes, this was a strong dose of tough love. But she takes it a step further in parts 2 and 3 by giving you tactical behaviors and skills you can apply to stop making excuses and start taking action. In Girl, Stop Apologizing, Rachel gives you the kick in the ass you need and the how-to guide to get started.
Best tactical advice
In this book, Rachel teaches us the art of saying no — something we as women, well frankly, we suck at. She says, if someone asks you to do something and your reaction isn’t “hell yes,” it should be a “hell no.” Get clear on your values and what matters to those you care about most (i.e. kids, partner, etc., your co-workers, other parents, complete strangers). Remember every “yes” is a “no” to someone or something else. Rachel outlines the keys to saying no to others:
- Respond to requests ASAP. Don’t delay or say “maybe.”
- Go with your gut – “if it isn’t a hell yes, it’s a hell no”
- Respond politely, but honestly about what you can commit to
- Be firm with others; be firm with your priorities
Favorite quote
It’s so hard to pick just one – this book is full of Pinterest-worthy quotes. But this one really resonates:
5. Daring Greatly by Brené Brown
What’s it about?
The book title, Daring Greatly, comes from a Theodore Roosevelt quote, The Man Woman in the Area.
In the book, Brené Brown explains how vulnerability is essential to experiencing joy, creativity and love but also to overcoming difficult emotions like fear. Perfection doesn’t exist, so why are we waiting for it? Rather than sitting on the sidelines with judgement, “we must dare to show up and let ourselves be seen.” Daring Greatly is a practice in how to let ourselves be seen as we really are.
Why I loved it
Brené’s self-help books are research based, so everything she says isn’t just “what worked for her,” it’s science. I love the certainty of her methods, but also the real stories from her own life and that of her clients. I learned so much from this book. One of the biggest ah-ha moments for me was understanding the difference between guilt and shame, and how harmful shame can be. Shame focuses blame on yourself, while guilt focuses on the behavior. Guilt is “I did something bad.” Shame is “I am bad.” Brené says shame shows up as “gremlins,” the negative voices in our heads that say we aren’t enough, that we aren’t worthy. Shame leads to fear and keeps us small.
Best tactical advice
So now that we know shame is holding us back, how do we break through it? Brené says the first step is identifying and understanding our “gremlins.” “Shame derives its power from being unspeakable. That’s why it loves perfectionists — it’s easy to keep us quiet.” Mind blown. It’s been shame all along! Brené says the answer is shame resilience. There are four steps to moving from shame to empathy, which is the ultimate antidote:
- Recognizing shame and your triggers – what are the gremlins saying?
- Practicing critical awareness – is it realistic, true, or attainable?
- Reaching out – we must connect to experience empathy
- Speaking shame – talk about how you feel and ask for what you need
Favorite quote
Brené says being vulnerable and showing up as our authentic ourselves takes true courage, but it doesn’t mean we aren’t afraid.
I hope these books will be as help you as much as they’ve helped me. But remember, the key to personal development is putting what you’ve learned into action. It’s called self-help because no one else can do it for you!
“It’s called self-help because no one else can do it for you!” The 5 best self-help books for women in their 20s.
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6. Strong Calm Confident You
Self-help and personal development books taught me so much, but the greatest lessons have been the ones I learned on my own. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder in my mid-twenties and through therapy and self-reflection I learned that much of my anxiety was rooted in people-pleasing and perfection. I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect and to make everyone else happy that I was completely ignoring my own mental health and the warning signs of burnout.
Once I started to understand these issues and learned tactics to manage the anxiety, I started noticing the same patterns in other women around me. So I decided to share my story and the practical tips I learned to help others stop the endless cycle of pleasing perfecting and performing. And Strong Calm Confident You was born!
Best Tactical Advice
In my (albeit biased) opinion, the best advice in the book is my three step self-care toolkit for managing difficult emotions.
- Name the emotion you’re feeling
- Set a timer and allow yourself to feel it deeply – cry, yell, scream – whatever you need.
- Apply self-care – what do you need to feel better?
I share more about this method in this post and in the book, as well as a self-care menu you can fill out to find activities that give you comfort, connection, restoration, etc.
Favorite Quote
When talking to my Mimi about this three step process, she fully agreed with the need to feel our emotions rather than stuff them down. “You can’t be happy all the time,” she said.
I have so many favorite self-help books, it was hard to choose just 5! See below for my “honorable mentions” for more self-help wisdom!
Honorable Mention: The Best Self-Help Books to Read Next
- The 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins
- You are a Badass by Jen Sincero
- Dare to Lead by Brené Brown
- Brave Not Perfect by Reshma Saujani
- Mastering Your Mean Girl by Melissa Ambrosini
If you read any of these books, let me know your thoughts in the comments!