How to Stop Being so Sensitive and Boost Your Confidence

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Have you ever wished you could stop being so sensitive? Do you cry too much, take things personally, and fall victim to your emotions? Never fear! There are ways to overcome sensitivity and it starts with building your confidence.

What is an HSP?

Many people think of sensitivity as a trait that causes a person to be overly emotional. I used to laugh at my mom because she cried during every Disney movie – and now I do the same! But sensitivity is more than just being emotional – it’s an overreaction to a stimulus. Have you ever become aware of a ticking clock, or a dripping faucet and you couldn’t get the sound out of your head? Are you bothered by bright lights, loud noises, or strong smells? If so, you may be a highly sensitive person (HSPs). About 15-20% of the population are thought to be HSPs.

Sensitivity is a personality trait that makes us overly aware of other people’s emotions, causing us to often take undue responsibility. Sensitivity often leads to a fear of judgement. In other words, we take everything personally. You think every whisper is someone talking about you. Every giggle is someone making fun of you. You constantly feel judged. If someone seems angry or upset, you assume it was something you did.  As a result, people with sensitive personalities are also often people pleasers, seeking approval from those around them.

Stop Being So Sensitive

If you think you might be an HSP or someone who has a sensitive personality, it can help to weigh out the facts and be a detective of your own emotions. When your sensitivity is triggered and you feel a negative emotion, take a deep breath, take a step back before you react. This is a strategy I learned from working with Dharma Life Sciences, who can identify the personality traits that may be holding you back, and work with you to re-wire your brain and build your confidence.

First, ask yourself what information amplifies the negative emotion you are feeling? These are most often the things that come to mind first for a sensitive person. They are judgements, assumptions and emotions. Write these down and ask yourself next, what information de-amplifies the situation? What information might you have missed or what other explanations might there be for the situation? 

Weigh the facts

For example, I am hurt by not being invited to a party on a Friday night.

The facts that amplify my hurt feelings are:

• My other friend was invited and I wasn’t 
• I invited the host to my last party and she didn’t come
• She must not like me 

Do you see how quickly that escalated? As a highly sensitive person, we tend to take things really personally. But now that I’ve learned to recognize it, I can usually think of a few things that de-amplify a situation. 

The facts that DE-amplify this situation are:

• It is a small party
• The party is far away
• I have plans other on Friday
• I am not very close with the host

After weighing the facts, I can easily see that there is more information that de-amplifies the situation, which allows me to de-sensitize myself from the situation and move on. Rather than jump to conclusions that the person doesn’t like me, I can recognize that due to the size of the party (thanks, COVID) and the depth of our relationship it makes sense that I wasn’t invited. It’s not personal. When you look at the facts, you can be more confident in your reactions and emotions, and life life without taking things so personally.

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In some cases, you will weigh out a situation to realize there is more information that amplifies than de-amplifies. However, taking the time to review the facts will still help you react in an appropriate manner, and curb your emotional response. In the party example, if the information supports you being hurt by not being invited, a course of action might be to put more effort into growing this friendship if it’s a priority to you.

The Story I’m Telling Myself…

In other cases, you may realize you don’t have enough information to weigh out the situation. When this is the case, it’s best to go to the source and ask questions.

In her book, Dare to Lead, Brene Brown shares what she calls “rumble tools” for improving communication through vulnerability. One that I particularly love is the phrase “Here’s the story I’m telling myself…” As a way to open up a conversation and put your biggest fear on the table. I have found this effective when my sensitivity is triggered in my marriage and even at work. I have used it with my husband when I’m worried about something he did or said, so he has a chance to explain the real story (because mine is never right!). i.e. “You seem angry, and the story I’m telling myself is that I did something to upset you. What’s up?”

The world doesn’t revolve around you

In a way, sensitivity makes you think the world revolves around you – that everyone is talking about you and everything is somehow your fault. The first step to quieting sensitivity is to recognize it. If you feel yourself getting upset, feeling judged or taking things personally, take a step back and examine it. Is what you’re feeling based on facts? When we feel judged it can be helpful to remember that you are your own worst critic and no one thinks about you as much as you do. It’s a harsh truth! It’s also helpful to remember that we are not  responsible for other people’s emotions, reactions or opinions. We can only control ourselves. 

You don’t need to stop being so sensitive

Although sensitivity can have some negative effects, there are also some clear positives. HSPs are highly creative and in tune with the world around them. We are highly empathetic, which means we make good friends because we can easily understand and relate to other people. So rather than trying to stop being so sensitive, you can learn to harness this personality trait in a healthy way by weighing the facts and recognizing when you may be taking things a bit too personally.

Are you an HSP? Tell me in the comments below!

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