When Will My Life Get Easier?
Things will be better when… I get married, when I get a new job, when my baby turns 1, when I lose ten pounds. It will get easier when… fill in the blank.
We often find ourselves stuck in struggle and looking towards the next milestone with the expectations that things will get better.
Another new mom friend recently said to me, “I promised myself if things ever felt normal again, I wouldn’t mess it up by having another baby.”
I could totally relate. “But what IS normal?” I challenged.
“I guess when everything doesn’t feel like such a struggle,” she said.
I had found myself in this same pattern of thinking recently too. There are so many milestones and stages when it comes to parenting. There’s the fourth trimester, the newborn stage, the first year, the terrible twos, and the “Oh you thought two was bad? Wait for three!” stage.
I foolishly thought each stage would bring relief. But instead, each one brought new challenges and opportunities for growth — for our daughter and for us as parents.
Maybe for you it’s a new job or big goal you’re chasing. You tell yourself. I’ll be happy when I get that promotion, when I get in a relationship, when I lose the weight. But here’s the truth…
Things don’t get better, YOU get better.
And if we don’t learn to get comfortable with change, then struggle will follow us.
Hear me out…
Life is like standing at the edge of the ocean. Each stage of life — from parenting to career development to relationships — brings with it new waves to overcome. Some waves will knock you on your ass. Others you see coming… and you learn to ride them out. The waves don’t stop, but you get stronger and smarter.
If it weren’t motherhood challenging me right now, it would be something else. I think in some ways we seek it out. We look for challenges – because it’s human nature to grow and change. Even if it feels like shit in the moment – it’s literally what makes us human.
Changs is inevitable. But struggle is optional.
So how do we stop struggling through the inevitable challenges of life?
We change our mindset. We let go of expectations. We give ourselves lots of grace. We focus on progress over perfection.
Think back to the last challenge you overcame. I’m proud of you for riding that wave. However messy it was. No matter how many times it knocked you down, you got back up again. (Chumbawamba anyone?) You’re on the other side, stronger and better because of it.
So, show those waves who’s boss.
