The Only Tip you Need to Overcome Perfectionism

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While being a perfectionist may serve you in some ways, it can also have a negative impact on your mental health and lead to burnout. Read on to learn about the common signs, why it can be detrimental and how to overcome perfectionism with one key mindset shift.

What is perfectionism?

When you think of perfectionism, you might think of a high achiever or someone who is incredibly detail oriented. But perfectionism is more than just being driven, and it can be detrimental to your mental health. Here are some of the common signs of perfectionism.

• You have trouble asking for help and do not tell others when you are struggling
• You procrastinate tasks or overthink things because you worry you can’t do it perfectly
• You hold yourself to extreme standards and you also have high standards for others
• You see your self worth in the things you accomplish 
• You identify as Type-A and/or an overachiever
• You like to be in control and feel anxiety when you can’t control a situation/outcome 
• You feel like you can’t be yourself around other people
• Similarly, you feel like an impostor, inadequate and fear that you will be found out (i.e. you feel unqualified for your job and are certain you’ll be fired)

Perfectionism can also lead to people pleasing because not only are you trying to hold yourself to unrealistic standards, you also seek approval from others. 

I used to feel like I was wearing a mask all the time. Being around other people was exhausting because I had to keep up this perfect face. For a long time, I didn’t tell anyone I was going to therapy. There is still so much stigma around mental health, I didn’t want anyone to know something was wrong with me.

Why do we need to overcome perfectionism?

Perfectionism can be caused by anxiety and can also lead to depression. The fear of not being enough perpetuates the cycle. But if you run on a treadmill at full speed, eventually you are going to burn out. Burnout is an intense state of exhaustion that comes from extreme, prolonged stress. The term burnout was originally defined to describe the consequences of helping professions, like nurses and doctors. It is characterized by exhaustion, apathy and an inability to cope with daily stressors. But now, we know burnout can affect anyone “from stressed-out career-driven people and celebrities to overworked employees and homemakers.”

By continuing to please, perfect and perform we fuel the fire for future generations of women. On the outside, we’re telling other women “Hey, I’ve got it all under control!” when we are actually struggling. Hiding behind a mask of perfectionism perpetuates the impossible standards and expectations that we’ve been trying to live up to. The more we open up to each other about the struggle, the more we can change it – together.

How to overcome perfectionism

The good news is, you can learn to control and overcome perfectionism. The antidote is vulnerability. It’s being brutally honest and authentic with people you love and trust. Perfectionists often hide behind a “positive mindset.” While it does not do us any good to dwell on things we can’t control, perfectionists will often avoid things they can control. You can have a positive mindset and still be open about your struggles by taking action. Here’s an example:

Boss: How are you today?

Perfectionist: Good, How are YOU?

Recovering Perfectionist: Thanks for asking! I’m a bit overwhelmed at the moment. Could you help me prioritize my tasks so I can spend some time with my family this evening?

See the difference? The recovering perfectionist isn’t complaining, she is being honest and solution-oriented. Being vulnerable is scary. But as perfectionists, we often build things up to be a bigger deal than they really are.

For the longest time, I hid my mental health from people because I feared being judged. But telling people I had anxiety and I was going to therapy was like finally taking the mask off. The most amazing gift I’ve learned in opening up about my mental health is that it gives others permission to do the same. I’ve received so many notes from people – some close friends and family and others complete strangers I met on Instagram – reaching out to tell me about their own mental health journeys.

Whatever you are struggling with, you are not alone. I challenge you today to be vulnerable and open up to someone. Take the first steps towards overcoming perfectionism. Whether you know me personally or not, I’m just a message away!

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