Defining My Values
Today is the first of what I hope will become a weekly tradition and a ritual for me. Somewhere along the line, I quit writing. And now that I’m not writing much at work or forced to write papers for school, I realized all of the value that writing added to my life. First of all, it’s a huge outlet for me. I’m an incredibly emotional person, and writing helps me rationalize and sort through my feelings. It’s also a source of creativity for me, which is also a driver of my happiness. Feeling like I’ve written something great makes me happy and I miss that feeling and source of joy.
I also got this idea from reading Gretchen Rubin’s Happiness Project. Although I don’t plan on doing a full happiness project of my own, I think I can draw on several concepts that she brings up in her book. She talks about time and energy and how you should devote it to things that make you happy. She makes it sound so simple. I think I often put off writing because I didn’t know what to say on my blog, or I wasn’t quite ready to start my book yet. But scheduling weekly writing time will allow me to just let the words flow. If blog posts come out of this — great! If it becomes more like a personal journal, that’s fine too.
From the happiness project, I’m also taking several other key ideas. I know that I need to find time for volunteering, for an organization that matters to me and that allows me to use my personal skills and passions. I’ve toyed around with this idea for a while, and it’s something I really just need to dive into. I think I’ll either volunteer with a local hospital or spend time at an animal rescue — because both of those things are important to me as an individual. It’s important to choose what matters most to you and devote yourself to only a few “categories” of philanthropy. Even the most generous donors have areas of focus for their contributions. If Bill Gates gave to every charity that hit him up for money, he wouldn’t be one of the richest men in the world. You have to figure out what matters to you, what fits your “brand” and what will make you happy when it comes to volunteering.
Along those same lines, I’ve taken some time to define my personal mission statement and objectives. I have a lot of trouble with staying true to I am, because I often feel like I’m still figuring that out. I read that understanding your values as an individual can help you make better decisions. So, I decided did some research and did a few exercises that helped me to outline my values and a larger mission statement that those values all ladder up to. Somewhat like the strategic framework for a business. Through this activity I determined that my mission statement was:
“Love yourself and reflect that back to the world”
I have a lot of self esteem issues, and I thought, if I want to be happier, I have to start from within. I have to love myself if I want others to love and accept me for who I am. Once I learn to love myself, I should reflect that confidence and love back to the world. To me, that means standing up for what I believe in and being true to myself because I’m comfortable in my own skin. But it also means to give back and do good for others.
Underneath that mission statement I have five values that should inform how I spend my time, make decisions and how I appear to others.
1. Achievement/Ambition
For better or worse, I feel best when I feel like I’m achieving my goals. Without ambition and goals to work toward, I feel out of place and unproductive. If I have a day off and I don’t make a to-do list, I end up blowing the whole day watching Mindy Project and online shopping. When I achieve a goal, I like to set new ones right away so I always have something to work towards. I also need to be challenged and have things to work toward. If things are easy, I often don’t feel fulfilled. Whether or not this is a desirable quality, I realized that it’s a part of my character and something that I should be cognoscente of.
2. Love/Belonging
When I moved to New Jersey, a huge source of pain for me was not having friends or family nearby. I felt left out of our friend group at home. And making new friends in Jersey had proven to be more difficult than I had imagined. It really bothered me. I felt uncool staying in every weekend and felt like Chris and I were a boring old couple already in our twenties. I didn’t feel like we belonged here. Eventually we joined a beer league football team and met some friends, who we now hang out with on a pretty regular basis and my happiness increased significantly. I also find I am happier when I stay in touch with existing friends and family. Although calling my grandma is a hard habit to start, once I do it I always feel better. Talking to my parents is something I do at least once a week and I need that for my own sanity. As much as I love being independent, a girl still needs her Mom and Dad once in a while. I’ve also made it a goal to be a better friend, when it comes to my existing friendships. Check in more often, be more thoughtful and make the time to see them whenever possible.
3. Goodness/Thoughtfulness
This gets back to the idea of volunteering. When I feel like I am making others happy, I also feel happy and good. In addition to that, my best friend Brittany is one of the most thoughtful people I know. She doesn’t try to be a great friend, she just is. She’ll be at Target, see something awesome and think of me. It will arrive in my mailbox and completely make my day. I have to work a lot harder at this. She is always the one to text me, send cards, give the most thoughtful and special gifts, and I feel like I’m always trying to make it up to her. My goal is to just be a more thoughtful and good person, like she is, and be the best friend I can be.
4. Expression/Creativity
When I started writing, I didn’t realize this would come full circle. But my value of expression and creativity is the exact reason that I’m sitting here on my very first “Writing Wednesday.” I realized I needed to make time to give myself this outlet. I need to express myself and be creative. I have huge goals of writing a book some day — and I don’t tell people that very often, I think because I’m absolutely terrified of what that will entail, the time it will take and the likelihood of failure. I have to practice my writing if I want to stay sharp when I’m ready to start pursuing this goal. I also have to let go of the fear of failure, but that’s an entirely different subject and probably a good one for another writing Wednesday 🙂
5. Adventure/Growth
Finally, through my research, I determined that trying new things and growing as an individual is a huge source of my happiness. Although I always feel uncomfortable and scared when I try something or go somewhere new, the happiness payoff is always well worth it. I’ve made it a goal to travel more, and since this isn’t a priority for Chris, I’ve realized that it’s something I have to take responsibility for. Last year, I planned a trip to Mexico, in a few months we’ll be off to Italy for 10 days, and next year I’m already dreaming up a trip through California, for my first west-coast adventure. This value also pertains to my growth as an individual, as a young professional, and as an adult. I place a high value on my professional development, my growing independence, and my journey to become who I am meant to be as a person.
When faced with a tough decision, I hope these values will help me make the right choice. But above all else, I hope that these values are things I can project into the world. I want people to see me as an ambitious and loving woman with a creative mind, a thirst for adventure and a good heart.
