The “Joys” of Homeownership

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Have you seen the move “The Money Pit“? In the film, a couple played by Tom Hanks and Shelley Long buy an old “fixer upper” home. To summarize the plot line – essentially every small project turns into a nightmare. If you need a visual – here’s how most of the movie went:

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I’m sure most of you who own a home can relate. According to a survey on homes.com, 40% of Americans say buying a home was the most stressful event of their lives – of. their. LIVES! But despite the trials and tribulations, it can also be one of the most rewarding. In my 30 years on this planet, I’ve learned that nothing worth having ever comes easy – and home ownership is no exception.

My husband, Chris, and I bought our first home in January, we spent three weeks (nights and weekends) renovating and moved in February 1. It was a whirlwind to say the least. In those three weeks, we navigated perhaps more road blocks than we ever have before, but we came out on the other side stronger. Keep reading for 5 lessons we learned in our first month as new homeowners!

Lesson #1: Be a Team Player

The night we closed on the house, we went to Lowe’s to pick up paint. Although admittedly a bit premature, we couldn’t wait to cover up the pistachio living room. Everything from the walls, to the base molding, to the window casing, to the FIREPLACE was painted a hideous pistachio green. Even the air vents were painted green on the walls – WHYYYY?! The ceiling, however, was white but covered in a sandy-texture. In order to add recessed lighting, we’s need to cut a hole and the texture would be hard to match – not to mention it was hideous. So we decided to rip it down and start fresh.

Luckily my Dad volunteered to drive the three hours from PA to help hang ceiling drywall. And my Mom and I were going to do “fun stuff” like stripping wall paper and painting. But I woke up early on Saturday to snowy, icy conditions and my Dad texted his regrets that they weren’t going to make it. I texted him that I understood and then BAWLED. Chris wasn’t awake yet, so I laid on the floor and had a full-on toddler tantrum. Why me?! I didn’t tell my parents this part, but they won’t be surprised. I’ve always been prone to the dramatic.

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By the time Chris got up, I wiped my eyes, blew my nose, and splashed my face with cold water. I plastered on the best smile I could muster and went to face him. “My parents can’t make it today, but we don’t need them!” I said. “It’s just you and me – we don’t need anybody, never have.”

Now, I’m not saying you should hide your tears the way I did. But in that moment, I knew Chris needed me. You see, buying a home had turned the tables on our relationship. Chris is the one who calms me down, but this process had taken a toll on him, and I’d never seen him so stressed. So it was my turn to step up, to be the rock in our relationship, like he’d been doing for me for many, many years. So I put on my big girl pants, put my hair in a braid and a ball cap and got ready to hang drywall. We were a team, and it was my turn to pinch hit. Did I use that sports analogy right?

Lesson #2: Communication is Key

My husband works for a home remodeling company, so he has a lot of knowledge about these things (which is great!) but he also has VERY high standards. During the drywall project, I wanted SO badly to impress him — to have him say “Wow, I didn’t realize how strong you are!”

Have you ever watched two men work together? They don’t say a word, but somehow, they are moving in sync. Without direction they know what tool to hand over, how to help support and when to just get the hell out of the way? Yeah… that was NOT how things went in our house.

The drywall pieces were 13ft long and JUST fit across the width of our living room. So not only were they heavy, they were awkward and difficult to maneuver. As we struggled to hoist the first piece up, Chris got under the middle, and balancing the sheetrock on his head he yelled “I need help, but I don’t know what to tell you to do!”

After that, I made sure we had a game plan BEFORE we lifted the drywall, and I communicated with him what my limits might be (i.e. I may have to rest while bringing the drywall in the house). He’s also learning to be more descriptive, because I don’t always know the technical term for what he’s asking for.

After 5 hours of sweat, tears and swearing – we had a brand new ceiling, and we were SO proud. To my delight, Chris was impressed with all I had been able to do. Mission accomplished. Renovations are freaking hard, guys. But it is SO satisfying to look at the final product and say “Yeah, we did that.”

Lesson #3 – Know when to take a break

The day after we conquered the living room ceiling, we walked into the new house with the confidence and swagger of Chip and Joanna Gaines.

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Chris set to work upstairs, replacing the toilets and shower heads, while I painted downstairs. With a fresh coat just finished on the dining room, I paused to admire my handiwork…When suddenly… I heard the sound of running water above me.

“Chris? I hear water running. Is everything okay?” – Before I knew it, it was raining in the dining room. Water was dripping through the ceiling, down the side of the cabinets and onto our hardwood floors. By that point, Chris had made it downstairs and while I ran in circles frantically he swept into action. Seriously, thank GOD he knows what to do in these situations. He cut a square about 4 inches wide and as the drywall fell to the ground, so did another puddle of water. 20 minutes and 5 holes later… I had a new skylight in my dining room. This was NOT the open concept I had in mind.

Chris was… defeated to say the least. While he wanted to fix it right away, I knew we needed to take a step back. So I made us both sandwiches, cracked open two beers and sat him down to take a break. Then, with a full belly and a level head we mapped out a plan to fix it. While you can’t really prepare for these type of setbacks, you can expect them to happen. When they do, it’s important to take a step back, see the humor and then come up with a game plan to fix it.

Lesson #4: Be Kind

Despite the gaping hole in our dining room, moving day came fast. The night before, we went to pick up a Uhaul at a sketchy gas station in Trenton. I had signed up for what they called “24-7 Self-Service, but had mistakenly assumed that 24/7 actually meant I could pick it up 24/7. Apparently not. When we arrived an hour late and I logged into the app, it said my reservation had expired. Awesome. “No worries! I told Chris, seeing his frustration. I reserved another truck online, twenty minutes away.

When we got there, I spent another twenty minutes going through the online check-in process. But when we went in to get the keys we were told the truck (the only one of the size we needed) was already rented. Un-be-freaking-leave-able! I called Uhaul customer service and was transferred at least 3 times. Don’t you hate when they transfer you without telling you? You’re just waiting on hold and suddenly the phone’s ringing again! The person on the other line says “Hello?” – like you called them – and you have to start over again!  By the time I got the right person, of course everything was closed. Our only option was to book a truck for 6 AM the next morning…

“Nothing else could possibly go wrong,” I said to Chris on our way home. Now, if this were a movie, that’s about the time you’d expect lightning to strike…. but in our case, it was the low tire pressure light. Nope. Not kidding. At 8:30 at night, the night before we are moving into our new home, we got a flat tire. No – I’m not joking.

We woke up bright and early on moving day at 5:30 AM. While my husband was in the shower, I secretly called the gas station where the Uhaul was reserved. “Hi, I’m just confirming my reservation for 6:00,” I whispered, not wanting Chris to hear. “Hi Ma’am,” the store clerk said, “Yes we have the truck, but my boss handles Uhaul and he doesn’t get in until 7:30.”

“Um, but, my reservation is for 6:00 AM. We need the truck now, we’re moving today!” I said getting upset but trying to remain calm.

“OK, let me call him and see what I can do.” – he did not call me back.

So I called him again. “Oh yeah… hi. Sorry. My boss said 7:30.”

Now I was pleading, barely holding back tears. Again, the drama! “Sir, you don’t understand what we’ve been through!” I said relaying our terrible turn of events “I need your help!” Those were the magic words – he agreed to let me check in online and he would figure out how to get me the keys.

I filled Chris in on the way to the gas station, instructing him NOT to speak under any circumstances and assuring him I had it covered. I walked into the store with tears in my eyes – I was going for the damsel in distress. The poor guy looked terrified I might break down in his store. In an effort to get us out of there as quickly as possible, he told me to sign my name and number on a piece of receipt paper and handed over the keys. We were cracking up the whole way home.

The lesson here is no matter how bad things get, try not to take it out on each other. Chris could have easily blamed me for the online booking, but he didn’t. And rather than screaming at the Uhaul guy, I was firm but kind and asked for his help in what was undoubtedly one of the shittiest days ever. At the end of the day, people want to help others – you catch more flies with honey than vinegar!

Lesson #5 – Be grateful

The fun of moving day wasn’t over yet. Just an hour after we picked up the Uhaul, it was raining so hard it was practically sideways. It was turning into one of those days where you look for Ashton Kutcher or the hidden camera. Like seriously, who’s messing with us?! But with the help of amazing friends and a little alcohol, we got everything moved in – and it instantly felt like home.

At the end of day, I was literally teary with gratefulness — for the friends who showed up in the rain to help us move, for the Uhaul man that saved the day, and for our new home that we worked so hard to get to.

I know there will be more surprises along the way – but seeing the progress makes it all worth it. Being grateful along the way and trying your best to enjoy the journey is the key to keeping things in perspective – because nothing worth having ever comes easy. A few years from now, I know we’ll look back on these memories fondly as time we spent together turning our house into a home.